look no pants
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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