maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
