please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
