Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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