This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
