Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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