Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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