I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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