On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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