Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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