Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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