you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
