He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
