Already got asked if we're dating
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
