Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
