Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my being single is dangerous.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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