girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
