it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
