1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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