Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
