So drunk its hurt
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
