I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Holy sore nipples Batman
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
