I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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