Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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