your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
