why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's blow job season.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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