i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
