it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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