Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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