Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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