are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize