I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize