if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
