yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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