I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
