Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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