I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
