Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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