I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
