I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
