he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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