they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
