The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
