Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
