so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
