I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
