i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Its about making memories worth repressing
accomplished twins. life is a go
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
