Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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