Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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