i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
