having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
