its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
