never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
