found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
