well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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