I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
