I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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