omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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