I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize