So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
