Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
