I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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