i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
