i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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