I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize