i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
