I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
