he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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