need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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